Caught on Camera, Yamcha's big secret!
by coumarin-chan
Summary: Not many yamcha fics out there. Involves a fair amount of Yamcha bashing, as well as the documentation on all Yamcha's nearfatal crashes throughout DBZ, will the warrant for his arrest surface in time?


**Caught on Camera: Yamcha's big secret!**

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, butI do own the random female with the camera.

* * *

"Now many of you know our scarred friend. You know the one that likes to play baseball? I have been secretly working undercover as one of his big fans. It seems like the "lone wolf" has a few directional problems. We, meaning the police and I have a rising suspicion that Yamcha does not own a driving license. To make matters worse, his non-existent sense of direction makes him a hazard to all those around him." The female voice narrated, as if getting ready to undertake a major operation… well it was really.

* * *

_**(Scene 1, Z- fighters vs. Saibamen)**_

The camera points up to a small speck in the sky. Surely enough an orange clad figure falls from the sky. He landed with a gentle tumble, into a low crouch. Unfortunately the entire scene wasn't quite right. The warrior known as Yamcha, was facing the completely opposite direction to the group of deadly aliens less than twenty feet behind him.

"Hey guys… what's up?" He glanced around not seeing the Saiyans and group of little green men behind him "I thought I sensed a huge power over here, but I can't see those saiyans anywhere." The shockwave of dumbness that rolled off the human was powerful enough to flatten even the Prince of the saiyans.

"Fool, try looking BEHIND you next time." Vegeta hissed as he stood up, brushing off his amour.

"We will now vacate the area. Unlike the silly cameramen that are just arriving, the crew and I value our lives" The scene fades to black as the sound of feet running starts up, followed by the sound of a few Ki blasts.

* * *

_**(Scene 2; Air ship where they're moving Goku to the Kame house)**_

"Well as you can see… Yamcha is flying this vehicle" A voice said that was holding the camera. The camera zooms in on the pilot. After a few minutes, the said person glanced out of his window, noticing two people flying beside them.

One person had a lot of hair, and was wearing armor like Vegeta's. The other looked pretty normal, a human female who was now frantically pointing for Yamcha to look in front of him.

**SPLAT!**

"Once again, even though this is our fault. Yamcha's sense of direction has failed him. That poor bird, it didn't deserve such a gruesome death."

"Hey shut up and carry on filming!" A male voice interrupted

"Oh fine…"

**(Switch to inside of vehicle where there's a hidden camera)**

Yamcha glanced over his shoulder, looking to the people that were inside the vehicle. Of course, this required Yamcha to take his eyes away from the direction in which he was flying. Clouds seem to pass the window at an odd angle.

"Hey Guys… there's a couple of weird people with a camera outside."

Trunks got stopped short in his little story about the androids "Ok Yamcha… why don't you just wipe your eyes and try again?" he said folding his arms to look a lot like Vegeta

Being as dense as he was, Yamcha did as he was told, which involved letting go of the steering controls. A glance to his left confirmed that the girl and guy were still watching him like hawks.

"Umm, they're still there."

"That's it." Krillin walked toward the front of the ship, leaning past Yamcha.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Everyone, including Yamcha winced at the sound of Krillin's yell. The monk had fallen back onto the floor with a vacant look on his face. Trunks leaned over the somewhat comatose body, slapping the short human about the face a few times. Five minutes later, Krillin floated back to reality.

"S-saiyan"

"What? A Saiyan?" Yamcha perked a brow. He thought all the saiyans were dead bar Goku and Vegeta… and the half- saiyans. Krillin remained pale, and then turned toward Gohan.

"Gohan. Take a look outside. I hope this is some sort of mass hallucination or something." Krillin whined. The demi- saiyan looked at Krillin strangely, perking a brow.

"Gee Krillin," he commented as he walked to the front of the ship. "I don't see what could be so….s-s-s-so…" After all these years, an old 'enemy' had resurfaced. Gohan numbly walked back toward his mother, all the colour gone from his face. "It's my Uncle Raditz."

Yamcha, through out the conversation, had been looking around the cabin area of the air ship. Though, something was tickling the human's senses, he didn't bother trying to work out what it was…

…well that was until the Saiyan and the female with the camera tapped on his window. Yamcha rolled down the window, instantly causing everyone in the back of the craft to get windblown.

"Umm… hi."

"Yamcha…" The girl started.

"Mountain…" The large saiyan called Raditz pointed at a ridiculously large piece of land that had maneuvered itself into the line of flight. Time seemed to slow down for a moment as Yamcha …

…LOOKED WHERE HE WAS GOING! (Gasp!)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the scarred human let out a short yell before finally managing to steer around the mountain. Angry shouts could be heard from the little yellow speck that was now flying into the distance, one of which demanded for someone else to fly before they all got killed

"-Sweatdrop-" two large sweatdrops appeared on the heads of the filming crew behind the camera.

* * *

_**(Scene 3; Yamcha's been allowed to fly the air car again!)**_

"Well it looks like fate gave him another chance… or maybe they really want Cell to destroy the planet." A male voice said off- screen. The camera view was once again inside the same ship; however they were minus Chichi and Trunks this time.

Yamcha had turned around to listen to Tien regarding Cell. Of course at this moment, Goku Decided to appear thus earns more time for Yamcha to put most of the Z- fighters' lives in danger.

**(Camera switches to outside the ship)**

"Hey! Watch it!" The female voice hissed "I'll have you know that I CAN'T FLY!" after a few moments, an image of Yamcha looking back over his seat appears from the view of someone flying beside the little yellow air car. "As you can see, Yamcha is once again testing the full ability of his lack of directional abilities." The camera pans around to show the ground, getting larger "This is currently a view of the exact direction that we are flying in."

**(Cut back to inside of ship)**

"Yup… I must be loosing it; I'm starting to see things." Krillin muttered. He gazed blankly out of the window, for a few moments. Movement caught his eye just to the left of Yamcha. There was the girl with the video camera again!

"Oh great" he muttered.

"What's up Krillin? Aren't you happy to see me?" A puzzled Goku looks down at his best friend with a big grin.

"Um YEAH! It's GREAT to see you… but we have company."

"Uh?" the saiyan notices two people waving from the window. "Oh my Gosh! Raditz is back! But how? I thought Piccolo killed him ages ago." The 'crew' looked unhappy at that point. Only for a second. Both of them sweat dropped, then pulled out two signs:

**'Yamcha …'**

**'Floor….'**

Goku scratched his head in thought. Of course he wasn't the brightest of people, simple warnings often went unheeded. "Floor? Yamcha… why are they telling you about the floor?" Safely said, none of the Z –fighters had actually noticed the strange decent. They were all used to flying in all directions. Yamcha lifted a brow, glancing to his left.

"Huh I don't know… there's no one there now…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YAMCHA PULL UP! GROUND DEAD AHEAD!" Krillin flailed his arms wildly "I don't wanna die just yet!" the short human whimpered.

Needless to say, Yamcha barely avoided getting most of the Z- fighters killed.

* * *

_**(Scene 4: LIVE!)**_

"Hopefully we'll get the most evidence to get his license confiscated this time."

"You think it'll be enough?" Raditz replied, barely managing to hide behind one of Mrs. Briefs planters.

"It better be, remember that I'm here!" A second male voice spoke up

"Yes boss." Two voices replied, and continued to watch the sky just in front of Capsule Corporation eagerly. No more than two minutes had passed before the roar of a powerful engine cut through the air, followed by a rapidly growing red spot.

Seconds later the screaming of a male human kicked in. A certain male who was driving… with his eyes closed.

"AHH! If he doesn't slow down he's going to go right through the entrance!" The female panicked (While backing away from the camera)

A rush of air swept past the trio, crashing through the automatic glass doors. It was safe to come out of hiding. The camera image shows a young Trunks now blowing on his hands, while a shaken up Yamcha wills his fingers to let go of the steering wheel. Puar is out cold, laying over the dash.

"And that concludes my report Sir." The female said aloud to the second male. "Yamcha is obviously a threat to anything living as long as he is in control of a vehicle. His sense of direction is atrocious."

Trunks looked up directly at the camera crew, lifting a brow "Goku-san? I didn't know you were in the police force!"

The aforementioned figure fell over, and started to twitch. It then stood up, raising its arms in anger "I am not Goku! For your information, I am Turles! It's not my fault that my ancestor had strong genetics." The saiyan growled, and then moved over to Yamcha, who had pulled himself out of the car.

"You are under arrest for dangerous driving. There will be no court case; we have all the evidence we need. You will serve 2 years in jail. You will also be banned from operating any mode of transport within this dimension or the next." Turles rattled off the charges, while slapping handcuffs on the former baseball player. He than saluted the camera team

"Good work. Perhaps now everyone will be safe from what actually was the biggest threat to life on earth." Yamcha was tossed into the waiting police car. The crew followed afterward, taking off into the depths of west city.

* * *

_**END**_.

* * *

Oh wait not yet… 

Bulma appears around the corner, looking at the demolished lobby in horror. She immediately started to glare at her son, who was still standing there in shock.

"TRUNKS VEGETA BRIEFS!"

"I swear it wasn't me!" The child defended meekly. His mother wasn't strong, but she sure was scary when she had to be.

**_(Five minutes later: At the party)_**

"Has anyone seen Yamcha?" Krillin spoke up

"He was dragged off to jail by someone that looked like Goku-san" Trunks shrugged nonchalantly

The entire gang stared at the kid

"Oh yeah and there was some camera crew there too, one of them had lots of hair."

Bulma twitched "I'm not even going to ask…"

* * *

_**END at last!**_

* * *

Raditz: I'm not sure which piece was more ridiculous; the fact that you turnedVegeta into a demi- chocobo, or yousomehow managed to get ME involved in somthing that has nothing to do with me!

Coumarin: Well tough. I know folks, this was areally dumb piece. Send flames as you like. I just had to write this. n.n (Waves)


End file.
